Somebody make me smile!

[boardersweetie]

I've had a rough night... I need a good cheering up.

[Sherm]

You have a great smile! :cool:

[boardersweetie]

You really think so??

[Voodoo]

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

[Voodoo]

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

[boardersweetie]

Aw, voodoo, those really made me laugh.

[Voodoo]

Little Johnny's sitting on his bed and says to his girlfriend standing in the doorway, "My little boopey-boo - I'm so lonely." So she crosses the room over to Little Johnny. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls flat on her face. Little Johnny, with a concerned look on his face, says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?" She gets up, gets into Little Johnny's bed and the two have passionate sex. Afterwards the girl rolls out and crosses the room over to the bathroom. On the way she catches her foot on the carpet and once again falls flat on her face. Little Johnny mutters under his breath, "Clumsy bitch."

[Voodoo]

Little Johnny applied for a salesman's job at a big department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?" "No, this is my first job," said the lad, but the boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up." The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One," said the young salesman. "Only one?" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??" "Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars." said Little Johnny. "How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss. "Well," said Little Johnny, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser." The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?" "No." answered Little Johnny, "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife so I said to him, 'Well, your weekend's screwed - you might as well go fishing.' "

[boardersweetie]

voodoo, I think I love you. You're making my night 100% better.

[Voodoo]

Ten year old Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away, Johnny. You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play." Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with." Trying to placate him, she says, "OK. I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" He says, "I wanna play Mommy and Daddy." Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation Mom goes upstairs. Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his fathers old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway. His mother raises her head and says, "What do I do now?" In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your ass downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

[Voodoo]

Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher brought around cookies for snack time. "Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie."

"I don't fucking want one!" declared Johnny. The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day. When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hide behind the curtain until snack time came around. As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him, "Here Little Johnny. It's time for your cookie."

"I don't fucking want one!" stated Little Johnny again. The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, "See? Did you hear what he said?"

"So? Don't fucking give him one!" said Little Johnny's mother.

[Voodoo]

The bartender said to Mr. Jones, Bet I can make you do an impression of a. train. "

Being a gambling man, Jones lay five bucks on the counter.

"Try your best."

"Knock-knock. "

"Who's there?"

"Chooch."

"Chooch who?"

The bartender smiled and pocketed the money. Angry at having been taken, Jones glanced at a black man sitting at the end of the bar. Moseying over, he said, "Hey . . . five bucks says I can make you do an impression of a train."

The black man shrugged and placed his money on the table.

"Knock-knock."

"Who's there?"

"Chooch."

"Who be Chooch?"

[boardersweetie]

come on guys, you're telling me voodoo and sherm are the only sweethearts online tonight? I know you're out there!!

[GrimShawn]

2 guys walk into a bar
the 3rd one ducked

[boardersweetie]

Grim... I love your creativity...
ICQ me if you have time.

[spank]

Smile!!! God loves you!